


to the dazzle of the light

by iihappydaysii



Series: Every Atom Belonging [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 fic, Like, M/M, embrace it, so much early flirting, they were young and falling in love, twitter DM
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-12-02 13:38:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11510547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iihappydaysii/pseuds/iihappydaysii
Summary: dan and phil's first conversations over twitter DM--the words that started it all.





	to the dazzle of the light

**Author's Note:**

> the titles and the quotes in this story and the others and the series will come from Walt Whitman's "Leaves of Grass". Why? I'll let Walt himself explain.
> 
> "“We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. So medicine, law, business, engineering... these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love... these are what we stay alive for.” 
> 
> tl;dr: i'm an overdramatic fuck that's why 
> 
> follow me for more dramatics at iihappydaysii on tumblr :)

  

* * *

_“Long enough have you dream'd contemptible dreams,_   
_Now I wash the gum from your eyes,_   
_You must habit yourself to the dazzle of the light_   
_and of every moment of your life”_

* * *

 

@amazingphil: hi, dan. it’s phil, uh…rawr.

@danisnotonfire: oh whoa…it’s you. what’s up?

@amazingphil: not much. i’m glad you liked my last video.

@danisnotonfire: it was so good. wish i was that creative!

@amazingphil: bet you are. you should give it a try sometime.

@danisnotonfire: i don’t think so. it sounds like fun, but i’d suck. xD

@amazingphil: something tells me you wouldn’t.

@danisnotonfire: wanna hear a confession?

@amazingphil: um, definitely 

@danisnotonfire: i have a huge word doc of video ideas.

@amazingphil: seriously?? that’s awesome.

@danisnotonfire: kinda pathetic when i know i’m never gonna actually make a video.

@amazingphil: never say never.

@danisnotonfire: never…oh no, i said it. now what are you going to do about it?

@amazingphil: i’ll talk you into making a video. that’s what I'm going to do about it. mark my words.

@danisnotonfire: if anyone could talk me into it, it’s probably you.

@amazingphil: :)

* * *

 

@amazing phil: i saw a squirrel today and tried to befriend it

@danisnotonfire: and how did that go?

@amazingphil: could have gone worse…could have gone better.

@danisnotonfire: lol do i even want to know what that means?

@amazingphil: it means the squirrel won’t be coming over for dinner tonight, but i also don’t need to be tested for rabies.

@danisnotonfire: well that’s good news. i needed good news today.

@amazingphil: bad day? what happened?

@danisnotonfire: fought with my gf. was in a shit mood when i got home so fought with my dad too…sorry that’s prob too personal. 

@amazingphil: it’s not. i asked anyway. sorry you had to fight with them. that sucks. u have a gf?

@danisnotonfire: uh, yup. you don’t, do you?

@amazingphil: nope. i’m a free single bird, caw caw. 

@danisnotonfire: kinda jealous after today.

@amazingphil: eh, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.

@danisnotonfire: so anyway…i’m just sat listening to muse now.

@amazingphil: if you want, i’ll listen with you. you pick the song.

@danisnotonfire: umm…Starlight?

@amazingphil: starting it now.

@danisnotonfire: me too.

* * *

 

@danisnotonfire: make me laugh.

@amazingphil: I never wanted to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

@danisnotonfire: i didn’t know your dad was a road worker.

@amazingphil: But when I got home, all the signs were there.

@danisnotonfire: ……………

@danisnotonfire: ……………………….

@amazingphil: dan?

@danisnotonfire: [blocked]

@amazingphil: :(

@danisnotonfire: hey, phil?

@amazingphil: yeah?

@danisnotonfire: seriously, thanks. 

@amazingphil: :) :)

* * *

 

@amazingphil: can i ask you a favor?

@danisnotonfire: sure what is it? 

@amazingphil: so i have this new video i’ve made but i’m nervous about it and i normally don’t get nervous about videos but i was wondering if you could watch it first and tell me what you think.

@danisnotonfire: do i want to get an exclusive first peek at the new amazing AmazingPhil video? what kind of question is that? 

@amazingphil: that’s a yes, right?

@danisnotonfire: YES. Send it now!

@amazingphil: kk. it’s too big to email it to you so i’ll give you the password to lessamazingphil. i uploaded it privately there.

@danisnotonfire: cool. um thanks for asking me to take a look. i know you have like actual youtuber friends you could ask.

@amazingphil: you’re a future youtuber…don’t think i forgot about my master plan. the password is twodrunkducks. 

@danisnotonfire: your master plan will fail. and ok, i’ll go log in. 

* * *

 

@danisnotonfire: ugh why is life so hard?

@amazingphil: what’s up?

@danisnotonfire: nothing. i don’t know why i’m bothering you. sorry.

@amazingphil: totally not bothering me. 

@danisnotonfire: i just feel like all i do is fight with my gf and it’s exhausting and it’s like what’s the point? besides the fact that we’ve been together for like years and it’s just the way it is, but like why? if we’re both miserable, why?

@amazingphil: i’m sorry :( i wish you weren’t miserable.

@danisnotonfire: is that like, is that just what being in love is? Fighting, then fucking, then rinse and repeat?

@amazingphil: i don’t know from experience cause i’ve never been in love but i mean i don’t think so, dan. maybe there are different kinds of being in love. 

@danisnotonfire: well, i’m not sure i like this kind. i’m tired. it makes me tired.

@amazingphil: *passes you a virtual pillow*

@danisnotonfire: will you be tired with me for a little while?

@amazingphil: *brings in my own pillow* don’t worry. i don’t snore. 

* * *

 

@amazingphil: *rage quits the universe*

@danisnotonfire: whoa……um, you ok?

@amazingphil: yeah, ugh, i’m sorry. i know i’m supposed to be happy-go-lucky AmazingPhil but i’m just not today.

@danisnotonfire: you don’t have to be happy-go-lucky phil with me. i know the universe is dark and meaningless, so like you can just be phil. wanna talk about it?

@amazingphil: i love my parents, you know, but it’s like i’m 22 and i’ve been on my own at uni for years other than holidays and now i have to live with them again and i’m losing my mind, dan. my mind.

@danisnotonfire: parents can be absolute shit. sorry :(

@amazingphil: they’re great parents but it’s like they just think they know everything about me. like they know me better than i know myself and they don’t. at. all. they don’t even know i’m bi.

@danisnotonfire: you’re bi?

@amazingphil: …yeah…why?

@danisnotonfire: No reason. Just, well, me too.

@danisnotonfire: Shit. I’ve never told anyone that before. 

@amazingphil: i’m glad you felt comfortable telling me.

@danisnotonfire: you’re easy to talk to.

@amazingphil: so are you. my other friends look at me like i have eight heads if i ever dare to complain. like “where’s phil? and who has taken over his body?” Very well, I contradict myself. I am large. I contain multitudes. 

@danisnotonfire: you’re quoting “Leaves of Grass”? in a twitter DM convo? nerd. xD

@amazingphil: ha. like you can talk. you knew i was quoting Whitman.

@danisnotonfire: we’re both bi. we’re both nerds. clearly we were meant to be friends.

@amazingphil: <3

* * *

 

@amazingphil: meow…..i’m bored…what are you up to?

@danisnotonfire: hiding. my friends want me to go out drinking and i just don’t want to. my gf’s been texting me for an hour and i just keep ignoring it. i’m a shit bf.

@amazingphil: i doubt that.

@danisnotonfire: how would you know?

@amazingphil: it wouldn’t. it’s just a feeling i have. and my feelings are notorious for being right all the time. if you want to be alone, i can DM you later? it’s seriously not a problem. i get it.

@danisnotonfire: no, don’t. i want to talk to you. i’d much rather hide under the covers and talk to you than go out with my gf. see what i mean? shit. boyfriend.

@amazingphil: if i want you to stay under the covers and talk to me instead of going out, what does that make me?

@danisnotonfire: i don’t know what it makes you but i know what it makes me.

@amazingphil: what’s that?

@danisnotonfire: happy. 

* * *

 

@amazingphil: you’re pretty.

@danisnotonfire: phil?

@amazingphil: i’m sorry. my parents are gone for the weekend. had a bit to drink. 

@danisnotonfire: that’s ok. did you mean that? the pretty thing?

@amazingphil: yeah.

@danisnotonfire: are you going to mean it in the morning?

@amazingphil: i’ll be scared to mean it, but i’ll mean it. i mean you have a gf.

@danisnotonfire: yeah. doesn’t mean i don’t think you’re pretty too.

@amazingphil: will you mean it in the morning?

@danisnotonfire: i’m not the drunk one, phil.

@amazingphil: but will you?

@danisnotonfire: yeah but i’ll be scared too, and i’ll probably pretend i don’t.

@amazingphil: that’s ok. we’ll both know the truth.

@danisnotonfire: yeah.

 

* * *

 

@amazingphil: you want to talk about last night?

@danisnotonfire: what happened last night?

@amazingphil: nothing.

* * *

 

@danisnotonfire: im home sick. there was a buffy marathon on TV. I thought of you.

@amazingphil: which episode? 

@danisnotonfire: the one where angel leaves.

@amazingphil: :( that’s a sad one.

@danisnotonfire: lol i cried a little. i rarely cry at real life but give me some sappy fictional shit and i bawl my eyes out.

@amazingphil: you never have to feel embarrassed about crying at buffy. let me find the channel and I’ll watch with you.

@danisnotonfire: DM me all the bts stuff. i know you’re like a vault of buffy knowledge. 

@amazingphil: you’d actually want me to do that? my friends hate it when i go on and on about it.

@danisnotonfire: i like it when you talk about buffy. i like it when you talk about anything, really.

@amazingphil: :)

* * *

 

@danisnotonfire: phil, are you on? please be on.

@amazingphil: im here. you ok?

@danisnotonfire: no.

@amazingphil: ?? tell me pls.

@danisnotonfire: huge with fight with the gf. we broke up. maybe for good, this time. idk.

@amazingphil: i’m sorry.

@danisnotonfire: are you?

@amazingphil: dan?

@danisnotonfire: ugh. i’m sorry…i’m fucked up right now. i’ll just go.

@amazingphil: pls don’t go.

@amazingphil: what happened? why’d you break up.

@danisnotonfire: because i’m confused. i don’t get it. i don’t get me. my feelings are out of control, and i’m a mess, and i’m probably just being stupid but

@amazingphil: but what, dan?

@danisnotonfire: but you.

@amazingphil: ohh

@danisnotonfire: it’s dumb. i’m an idiot and now you’re never going to talk to me again either.

@amazingphil: not going anywhere.

@danisnotonfire: i don’t know what i want. i don’t know what you want.

@amazingphil: we can figure it out.

@danisnotonfire: are we crazy for even thinking…?

@amazingphil: I don’t know.

@danisnotonfire: we’ve never even met.

@amazingphil: i know.

@danisnotonfire: i’m tired…i need to sleep and think. i’ll ttyl.

@amazingphil: k

* * *

 

@amazingphil: you ok this morning?

@danisnotonfire: yeah. busy, though. i’m planning a youtube video.

@amazingphil: REAAAAAAALLLY? omg. that’s great. i knew it!

@danisnotonfire: you pleased with yourself, lester?

@amazingphil: immensely.

* * *

 

@amazingphil: we should Skype some time. we could talk about your new video (and i also want to see your face)

@danisnotonfire: sure. what about now?

@danisnotonfire: you’re probably busy. sorry. like we could do it whenever. some time.

@amazingphil: now is a good some time. 

@danisnotonfire: my Skype handle is DJHowl (i know…don’t ask)

@amazingphil: kk <3

 


End file.
